My stepdaughter graduated from high school last week. It’s surreal that the little five year old I met when my husband and I started dating is now 18, out of high school, and heading to college in fall.
I’m so proud of all that she has accomplished. She worked hard in school, pushing herself with AP and honors classes. She was also actively involved in student government, and even became the Associate Student Body Vice-President for her senior year.
I’m also really proud of our relationship.
I have two step kids. In addition to my stepdaughter I have a stepson who 20 and in college. I’m super close to both and I feel very blessed.
That being said, being a stepparent can be challenging at times. It’s a sensitive spot for all involved. But I did learn some lessons over the past decade + that have helped me build a truly close and loving relationship with my step kids, and their love means the world to me.
#1: You’re Not Their Mom or Dad- And That Is Awesome
I think one of the reasons things have worked so well for me from the beginning is that I never set out to become a third parent. Most kids don’t want the two parents they have – no less throwing a 3rd into the mix.
I treasure, own, and love being a stepparent.
I looked at my role almost like an aunt that is really close to her niece and nephew. I’m there to listen, love, and support.
I leave all the stressful choices and discipline to my husband and the kids’ mom. Unless they were in danger, or it was a manners situation (I’m a stickler when it comes to please and thank you- especially at restaurants!!), I stayed out of telling them what to do.
#2: Don’t Talk Bad About The Other Parent
They may have been mad at their other parent, and I was always there to listen, but I wasn’t there to join in the bashing. Same situation when things might get tough over expenses, or kid coordination, all of those conversations would remain between me and my husband.
I believe on of the quickest ways for a kid to stop liking you is to put down one of their parents.
It’s one of those things- THEY can say whatever they want about their mom or dad, but they DON’T want to hear it from you. Take the high road, it always pays off.
#3: Ask Their Advice- Kids Are The Fountain Of Youth
Want to know what is up and coming on social media, ask the 16 year-old right under your nose! Notice your stepdaughter is a master at eye makeup, or your stepson has a great music taste? Ask them about it and let them teach you. So many times parents get caught up in finding out what their kids are up to so they can check in on them.
As a stepparent, why not just ask so you can learn?
I’m not saying ask if you can borrow your stepdaughter’s clothes, but getting her input on the latest trend is priceless. Everyone likes to feel like an expert, and so many times kids and teenagers feel like they are being told what to do.
Why not get their thoughts on something they are passionate about just so you can learn too? I can’t tell you how many times I’ve taken something they have shown me, integrated it into my life, and love it!
I believe step moms often get a bad rap, but being a stepmom can be a wonderful and rewarding experience. Embrace it!
