Many people love school. I am always interested by the people that say they could go to college forever and dread the day they have to get a real job. That’s never been me.
I went to Santa Clara University in California where I majored in communications and minored in political science. All things being equal, I had a wonderful experience and made lifelong friends.
But I STRUGGLED to get through and worked my booty off every step of the way.
I can honestly say my graduation day was filled with joy AND total relief that I made it through.
Over the years, people have asked when I plan to get my Masters. I’m sure largely because my husband has both his Masters and Doctorate from the University of Southern California. I could not be more proud, but am I motivated to do the same?
To that I can quickly and confidently answer- NO.
School has never come easy for me. In high school, my freshman honors English teacher pulled me aside one day and suggested that I might have a learning disability.
Simply put, thoughts I expressed in term papers (all proofed by one of my parents before I turned them in) and class discussions didn’t match up with in-class writing assignments.
After being tested it came back proof positive- I’m a text book case of dyslexic and learning disabled.
In a funny way, it’s been a huge relief. I knew at that point I’d always work a little harder and that was okay. I’ve always had someone review my work, from parents in high school, to the best roommate in whole world for all four years of college, to my amazing husband today.
It’s helped me on two fronts. First, I learned to not procrastinate because I need others to help me get my work done.
And second, feedback isn’t a comment on my value as a person. If you have a learning disability, you are used to getting your work corrected!
I even believe my learning disability has given me a few gifts.
I don’t have some of the hang ups I see “normal” people struggling with- A LOT. First off, I don’t waste time and energy trying to prove I’m right, or that I am the smartest person in the room. It is so much easier to just be okay with me, untied from the pressure of trying to prove my level of intelligence to everyone in the room.
I also don’t feel funny admitting I don’t know how to say something, or asking someone to explain a concept again. I’ve even found that many people love the feeling they get when they understand something and can help you get it too.
Over the years I’ve learned to embrace my learning disability. Fighting it never did any good away.
But I’ll be honest, at 36 years old I’m still self-conscious when I read something wrong or have to spell something in front of people.
I guess this whole getting okay with ourselves just takes some time. My dream is when I’m 80 and at the senior center that I’ll be calling BINGO and I won’t care when I say 23 instead of 32 – Life Goals.
In the end, when I struggle, I try to laugh it off and remind myself that Yoda said things backwards all the time too. And wise, was he.
