Ah, that four letter word- HELP. Why is it so hard for so many of us?
Maybe it’s because we have this false belief that if we were smart enough we would be able to figure out everything on our own? We think it’s weak to “rely” on others?
Of course, this is completely insane. Humans are communal beings for a reason. It’s so we DON’T have to go it alone. It’s truly not in our nature.
But that doesn’t stop us from struggling time and time again, when the problem could be fixed with a simple, “Could someone help me?”.
I remember years ago when my nephew was little, maybe three years old. He was throwing a fit because he couldn’t get to a toy.
Instead of my sister-in-law jumping in to help, she asked him, “Do you need a helper?” and waited to help until he said “Yes, I need a helper.” She then proceeded to get the toy for him and he was able to quickly carry on with his day.
I remember thinking, what if I just asked for help when I need it? Well, I have to say, over time I’ve gotten much better about doing just that, and it always seems to pay off.
Of course, one of the reasons we all struggle with it is because it’s a sign of vulnerability.
We all have that memory of asking for help and someone retorting, “ Oh, you can’t figure it out?” or by simply refusing to help.
The problem is, we take these few instances and treat them like a precious gift. We put them on a pedestal and allow them to frame our thinking. When our first instinct is to ask for help, we remember those rare times it went wrong and quickly try to do it on our own.
But the reality is, many times not asking for help makes our lives incredibly more difficult.
When I first got sober, I went to an outpatient facility for 21 days. There I learned a ton about the importance of asking for help. We were told, and I think correctly, that learning to ask for help from others was key to maintaining sobriety.
Considering I felt completely lost in life when I got to rehab, I didn’t feel like I had too many options except to ask for help. Because I was open, I learned so many new skills to help me negotiate this whole new life. I learned how to mediate, how deal with feelings, and how to make amends and move on with my life in the present.
I also took the good advice to get a sponsor. Almost five years later, she’s still my sponsor today. The one-on-one guidance gave me even more help with working through my own personal issues of guilt and low self-worth.
Now I see the power of asking for help in all parts of my life.
Last week we had a huge press release going out at work. Instead of assuming I had all the fiscal information correct, I asked someone to review the numbers for me.
And guess what? I had a few small things wrong that needed to be fixed and the person was happy to assist me. And guess what else? I slept like a baby the night before the release went out, because I knew the information was accurate.
From work, to sobriety, to even asking for directions, I know my life is better when I am willing to put my pride aside and ask others for guidance.
Think of it this way, if you were struggling to stay awake and someone was walking around with free coffee, would you pass it up? Or would you take a cup to make your day a little easier?
I’m guessing most of us would happily grab the coffee.
If we can remember this when we feel stuck, are in pain, or literally can’t figure something out, we’d struggle less and have more time to do the things we really want to do in life.
