Boxes belong under Christmas trees. They aren’t for people.
But despite knowing this, many of us try to put ourselves in a “box.” When asked to talk about ourselves, we may start with our relationship to others: mother, wife, dating someone special, or perhaps single and loving it. Or we may start with what we do: writer, student, CEO, or a full-time mom.
And if the conversation goes a little deeper, we may share our hobbies or maybe even our passions. For a long time, almost two years now, I was always sharing that I was training for something. I was training for a marathon. I was training for an Ironman 70.3. Or whatever was next in line of my endurance sports quests.
And many people seemed interested. It’s been a really fun thing to blog about these things, too. Many of my blog posts over the past year-and-a-half have been about marathon or triathlon training. The same goes for my Instagram. Taking daily pictures of me out on a morning run with the sun coming up was fun and easy to share.
Until the run part wasn’t so easy anymore.
My body needed a break from running. It had told me that time and time again. At first, it was gently, then not so gently. I was getting injured a lot. I’d push through the pain, but the joy started to drop off dramatically.
So why not stop???
Well, that had everything to do with the ego. Not even in the sense of pride, but in the sense of this who I am, this is what I do. I had found my box, put a nice bow on it, and was trying to squeeze myself in it, even when it was time to put it aside.
Ironically, the Universe did for me what I couldn’t do for myself. After this last marathon, I was sidelined for quite a while. Unknowingly training for a marathon on a fractured ankle for months has some ramifications that can’t be undone with a few weeks rests.
So instead of checking the marathon off and focusing on the next race, I rested for weeks. And after that, I started doing something that I thought I couldn’t do. I started doing yoga.
Yoga certainly didn’t fit into the “box” of who I was.
I was a runner, a triathlete. Where is the race for yoga? How do I know I’ve accomplished anything if there isn’t something for which to train? How do I track my progress without a training plan ending with a medal and ridiculously large celebration brunch??
And that isn’t even starting with the fact that after years of running, I was pretty inflexible. Okay, very inflexible.
But over the past month of almost daily practice, I’ve found so much joy in yoga, and all those “worries” have faded away.
I’m challenged, but my body feels better than ever. I feel even calmer than I did when I was running regularly and far less anxious than before.
I’ve even dropped eight pounds. And as much as I’ve worked on my body image issues over the years, one of the biggest reasons I held onto running was because I was so scared of gaining weight. Turns out I was holding onto a lot of weight due to the inflammation building up in my body from all the running.
Funny how things can even out when we stop pushing our own will.
So, most mornings instead of heading out for a five-mile run, you can find me at a local yoga studio getting in a good sweat via a Vinyasa flow class. This weekend I’m even going to my first yoga workshop. It will be nice to learn more about this practice that I am really loving, and from two teachers I really admire.
Putting ourselves in boxes can feel safe. But we all know that moment that it starts to feel like dread, even suffocating.
I’m not talking about the tough or challenging times. I’m talking about that moment when you look at yourself in the mirror, and you say, ‘I really don’t want to do this anymore.’
Next time that happens, maybe take some time to really explore what your heart is telling you. Are you doing things to meet others’ (or your own) expectations of how things should look? Are you scared to change course? Do your pride and sense-of-self feel like they are on the line?
If so, that’s awesome.
It’s pretty clear it’s time to explore something new. Thank the Universe for the clear inspiration and start exploring what else is out there!
