On Saturday, my husband and I celebrated our 12th wedding anniversary.
So, it’s officially a dozen years of love. Not too bad for a couple that is “bad on paper”.
That was the big joke when we first got together. At first glance, I think many people rightfully weren’t sure this would last 12 months, no less 12 years.
The differences are pretty sizable:
- We are 11 years apart in age.
- Rob has two kids from a previous marriage that were 5 and 7 when we started dating.
- I was less than 2 years out of college and pretty carefree. Admittedly not exactly plug-and-play stepmom material.
- We worked together, so after a few weeks of dating we had to ask our department boss to put is in different units.
- Our income levels were significantly different. And although I never heard the “gold-digger” comments directly, I’m sure it was said at least once or twice.
- I was born a Catholic, he grew up a Protestant.
- I come from a long line of Irish families, and he is a European hodgepodge.
- Even the football teams we root for are longtime rivals. I love Notre Dame; my husband is an alum of USC.
But those differences just didn’t seem like a big deal to us. We click in a way that I never have with anyone else. I know Rob is the perfect person for me.
I completely remember the moment I met him. It was at work, about a year before we started dating. My very first thought was “oh good, a friend”.
I’m not sure why I thought that, and I can’t remember any other person I’ve thought that about the instant I’ve met them.
I’m glad after all these years he’s not only the love of my life, but also still my best friend.
That’s the thing- Marriage is a huge blessing when the person you are with is truly the person that has your back.
They are your biggest cheerleader, and they give you grace when you need it, but don’t always deserve it. And you do the same for them.
I’ve heard marriage is always 100%, but rarely 50/50, and I think that is true.
There are times when you give 95% because your partner can barely scratch together 5%.
Then life shifts and they give 100% because you’ve got nothing.
So, if you are in the business of keeping score, or only giving what you get, here’s a piece of advice. Don’t get married.
Really, don’t do it. Get a dog, or better, a fish- but don’t get married.
Along the same lines, the less I invite my ego and pride into my marriage, the better my marriage seems to be.
Having to be right and settling scores makes for good Real Housewives episodes, not a good marriage.
But for those who think marriage only gets worse and more boring with time, I have to disagree. Sure, that can happen, but the opposite is also an option.
If you look to your partner as a catalyst for improving yourself, I think you are better lined up for a happier marriage.
If you look to your partner to heal you or make you feel whole, I think you’ve set yourself up for a long, hard road.
The key might be to marry someone that simply makes your life brighter because of who they are- Nothing more, nothing less.
I have to say, I still get excited when I hear my husband at the front door.
I still love to write him a note every morning, or take care of an errand for him.
He constantly tells me that I’m beautiful and smart, even after 12 years. And he makes me laugh multiple times a day. Really I don’t think there has been one day since we’ve been married that I haven’t laughed at something. Needless to say, fights don’t last very long in our house.
I am so thankful for the amazing person I married.
It’s fun to celebrate 12 years, but it’s also beautiful when we remember to treat each day like an anniversary. I’m blessed that those days happen more often than not.
