Triathlon Panic Attack

I believe we all get messages from the Universe. Mine just happened to come in the form of a triathlon panic attack.

Needless to stay, it got my attention.

And while the situation was unique, the feeling isn’t. I think each one of us gets these messages. It’s that gut instinct telling you to do this or avoid that. Sometimes we listen, sometimes we don’t.

For me, it’s always easier if it reinforces my current beliefs. For example, my gut will tell me to smile and be friendly to the person at the store. I enjoy being that way, so despite being shy, I easily comply.

But when the Universe is telling me something that’s harder to hear, I can often dismiss it.

I know, because that has been going on with me for the past month or so.

 

I have been dismissing my gut feelings.

 

As I’ve mentioned what seems like a billion times, I’ve been training for a triathlon. I was so excited about this new sport, and I jumped in with both feet.

And don’t get me wrong, I started out enjoying the training… and I actually still do. But somewhere along the way, my joy turned into worry, anxiety, drive, and will.

While I noticed the shift, I didn’t want to do anything about it. I was far too busy pushing my body to listen to my soul.

 

I was attached to the outcome.

 

I was attached to finishing my first triathlon on August 6th in Folsom. Anything that stood in the way of the end was an unwelcomed distraction. I was going to complete every training exactly as outlined in the guide I was following.

I was going to follow Instagram accounts that showed people excelling in the sport.

I was going to talk endlessly to my husband, and anyone else that would listen, about triathlon.

Driven, perhaps? I guess that’s the PC word for it.

But for me, that looked like a spiritual disconnection.

 

Because when I’m good spiritually, the world is far bigger than one singular goal.

 

Sure, I could have a goal to do a triathlon and work towards that goal. But I’m also happy mediating in the morning, being present with my loved ones, enjoying my work, and making time for writing. The list goes on and on.

But I wasn’t doing those things. I was zoned in endpoint point I had in mind.

And that all stopped at the start of my first triathlon when I literally could not swim. It stopped me dead in my tracks (or swim stroke if you will!). I was having a panic attack.

Although I tried my best, I made it less than halfway through the swim- having a panic attack the whole time- before I finally let go.

I raised my hand, was helped from the water, and made my way to my amazing husband so I could land in his arms.

I didn’t realize it was anything more than a panic attack, and it like a total failure until someone presented a different scenario.

 

Perhaps what I perceived as a moment of physical failure was actually a spiritual moment meant to get my attention.

 

And it did.

Since I realized what happened, I’ve felt an undeniable shift.

I’m happier, I’m lighter, the world is my friend again.

My workouts are time for me to connect with my body, not something I use to push and prepare my body for another day. The workouts now happen as they happen. They are not done to serve the purpose of a future moment, such as a race or bathing suit I want to fit into on vacation.

No matter how far we’ve gone away from center, I believe we can easily come back to a place of peace.

For me, that always looks like getting back to my morning meditation. Twenty minutes on my mat, first thing in the morning makes all the difference. Right now, I’m just listening. I like to think of it as a “listening tour” of my soul.

I’m just showing up and the love, grace, and ideas are flowing. And that is a blessing better than any race medal.